Living with Fear After Cancer
The Fear That Never Fully Leaves: A Reflection on Cancer, Memory, and Compassion
Earlier this week, I found myself in tears. I was sitting in the hospital waiting area with my dad, the same space where, almost three years ago to the day, where I had sat with my best friend and heard the words: “You have breast cancer.
This time, I was there for him. But the moment I sat down, the tears began to fall down my cheeks. The fear. The disbelief. The hope that maybe, just maybe, it would all be okay. That the lump they found was just a dummy one, playing tricks, having a laugh.
Looking Well on the Outside, Still Healing Within
When people meet me now and see someone fit, healthy, vibrant. They’d never guess. And when I tell them I had cancer, they’re surprised. “But you look so well.” And I am. Or so I thought.
Because sitting in that same space, on those same chairs, with the same kindly nurses, brought it all back. That’s what happens. Life moves on. You enjoy the days filled with energy and laughter. You rest when needed, sip tea on the sofa, eat well, take gentle walks. You learn to be kind and to look after yourself.
But then, boom, the fear returns. Like a bad dog you’ve trained to stay in its corner. You don’t rile it. You soothe it. You learn to live with it. It never truly leaves. You just get better at ignoring it and hoping it stays quiet and doesn’t remind you that it is there.
When Fear Needs Love, Not Logic
This is something I hear often from others who’ve walked the cancer path. The fear doesn’t vanish. Logic tells you that with your annual tests you are reassured you are clear. But your mind whispers, “If it happened once, it could happen again.”
And yet, I know this: the mind follows the direction you give it, consciously or unconsciously. So, when those dark thoughts creep in, I shake them off. I remind myself: I am fit. I am well. I am healthy. It is behind me.
If you know someone who’s been or is going through cancer treatment, remember: the fear can leap out of nowhere. It doesn’t need logic. It needs love. It needs assurance. It needs you to say, “Whatever happens, we’ll get through it with positivity, fun, and a whole lot of self-love.”
“Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives.” Akshay Dubey
📓 Journal Prompts For You:
- When was the last time a familiar space triggered an unexpected emotional response? What did it teach you?
- How can you acknowledge and then soothe your inner fears without letting them take over?
- What does “being kind to yourself” look like on your hardest days?
💡 Let’s Create More Compassionate, Cancer-Inclusive Spaces Together
If you’re an HR professional, manager, or someone supporting a loved one through cancer, let’s talk about how we can build more compassionate, cancer-inclusive spaces, at work and at home.
Reach out for coaching, resources, or just a chat. You’re not alone.